1. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, To Kill A Mockingbird, and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds!
2. What's the point of going out? We're just gonna wind up back home anyway.
3. You've got the brains and talent to go as far as you want, and when you do I'll be right there to borrow money.
4. It takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.
5. Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.
6. You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try.
7. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
8. How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain.
9. To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
10. Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.